Self-Reflection via Multiplayer Burnout

One of the last screenshots of my Death Knight.

We're living in strange times and many people struggle to make ends meet, myself including. This Summer has been very difficult and nasty for me and my family due to extensive financial issues that are only getting worse. As everything keeps falling apart while I fail to succeed, that led me to think a lot about myself and how I could change such routine.

Which led me to take a closer look at my current stand on multiplayer games as I believe that it provides good perspective into me as a person with several flaws. And that's what I would like to explore that in-depth, unlike spiralling into full on mental breakdown in Low Spec Breakdown.

Source of Exhaustion.

Previously I had no problems with playing multiplayer titles in my spare time. Many hours were spent in games like Heroes of the Storm and World of Warcraft, where I had fun either alone or with many good friends I met thanks to those titles. They played a huge part in my daily life, even if occasionally I did take breaks from them for some time.

Changes came in around 4 years ago as it marked a grim period in my life that continues to this very day. Amongst other things, it marked off my eventual distancing from multiplayer. So, why it happened? Well, really it was just a result of multiple outside factors:

• Missing Internet at home on several occasions due to financial issues that made it unaffordable at certain time periods.

• Lack of "perfect" time for playing multiplayer games without distractions. For example, my cats really loved to make use of litter boxes at the middle of Heroes of the Storm match, which sometimes resulted in me letting down my in-game teammates. It's important to take care of your favorite pets, especially if you're the one who usually does the thing.

• I was lucky enough to play World of Warcraft Classic back in 2020 for a total of 4 months since there were some WoW Tokens that allowed me to afford game time. Due to previously money issues, I really wanted to make the most of it and tried my best to play regularly (which I did for most of the time). That was great, but I think it resulted to an actual burnout.

• Technical issues. I tried to go back to Heroes of the Storm back in February, but was stopped by multiple game crashes: I just couldn't load proper maps (even if I'm the only player with 9 AI), only try out heroes on small one.

• My current mental state just doesn't really let me go back to enjoying multiplayer action. Something stops me from pursuing many things (or just makes it extremely difficult), including this one.

That's about it... for the most part, at least. Sometimes I did manage to enjoy a few minutes of multiplayer, but it didn't last for long. I think one of the reasons why single player is more appealing to me is solitude. Nothing stops me from pausing the game for a couple of minutes in moments of need. I can easily decide how long I would play as opposed to previously mentioned games where you can get stuck in match or dungeon party and don't want to let them down.

Subsequent Realization.

As I mentioned before, my indefinite break allowed me to look back to my days at World of Warcraft from today's perspective, and I've noticed that a lot of my current flaws started from there (or so I believe). Which is ironic, when you remember how many people talk about MMO's as your "second life". Sometimes it's actually true, for better or worse.

Daily objectives are common type of content in multiplayer games of various genres nowadays. From special quests that can completed once a day to a daily rewards you receive for just logging into the game. I'm actually vulnerable to those: still remember how much I enjoyed completing daily quests in Rage of the Firelands patch and Mists of Pandaria expansion for World of Warcraft (I actually enjoyed that). Not to mention the same type of content for Hearthstone and Heroes of the Storm. Hell, I'm launching Minecraft Bedrock Edition every day just to look for newly available free content in its Marketplace. I'm getting drawn into this stuff very quickly outside the games itself: checking out Slayer Club websites or even social media in general is basically the same thing, really. Don't get me started on farming mounts...

That's not to say that being able to easily adapt to specific schedule (or, rather, pattern) is exclusively negative. There're things like brushing your teeth and morning exercises that really should be part of your daily routine and, for the most part, I was able to ensure that for myself in recent days. But I would say there's also a bad side to this. A different angle, if you will. Going back to games... I never really tried to get into raiding or guilds in World of Warcraft because I just accepted the fact that I wouldn't be able to get into them. Same goes for achieving high ranks in competitive modes of certain games. You know, it's very easy for me to just get used to the position I'm in both in-game and in real world. Like, I'm making sure that every day I eat only 4 cookies with tea (if I don't have other kind of snacks on top of that): two after lunch and two after dinner. And I don't think that's good.

No MMO Rules Forever?

I guess that seeing these issues, understanding that it's not particularly normal and not being afraid to admit it is the step in the right direction, but it is extremely... odd to just go over them like that. Then again, I did let myself to talk about such topics here, so there's probably no point to stop. What else would people expect from personal blog?

How do I deal with this? Should I deal with it? Honestly, I feel like I probably should just redirect this flaw into something else. Make it useful. Get some simple and monotone job where I would fit like a glove. I actually tried to do that for some time, but then realized that there're some "very important things" I have to sort out before being able to actually do that. But I still need to get money somehow.

Anyway, here's my last thought regarding MMO's in particular. Previously I talked about how I would love to go back to WoW Classic if "Classic+" becomes a reality or just go back to Classic Era if I feel like it at the right time. Also, I kind of promised myself and one of my friends to try out Old School Runescape at some point... But now, I'm not sure that's the case anymore. Spending a lot of time on them, committing to a specific goal, falling into another pair of patterns. Nah, I can't and shouldn't allow myself that at the moment.

"Never say never", but I feel like I might just be done with MMO's.