Improvised "Hall Update" Thumbnail. |
I would like to start by typing that I hope you're doing fine. That whatever challenges and annoyance you're currently facing are not grim and/or tough enough to get to you mentally. While I unfortunately can't say that, hopefully you can. Despite my initial plans for this month, I've been sidetracked by my current regular-ish sidejob with a bunch of bullshit on top of it. While currently there was a bit of slowdown that allowed me to catch a break, I got just enough time to look back at my approach to Ilko's Hall as of late.
Same business as usual: I'll go somewhat more in-depth about my real life challenges and suffering, after which I would offer more on-topic thoughts about my blog's operations with what may or may not change in the near future.
All Kinds of a Mess.
Things have been mixed, tough and worrying. They still are, in fact. As "global world events" doesn't seem to get any better from the little careful observations I've been conducting, so has been my personal state of affairs. My copywriter gig has been resumed for around two weeks and my struggles with focusing on anything has become more clear than ever. However, as always, the realization of the problem's existence doesn't help with its resolving. I know that I need to do a lot of help myself and others around me, but I just don't act on it. This state of... stasis? Paralysis? Subconscious apathy? No idea. Either way, I was distracted by it yet again today just before finishing this "article".
In terms of family struggles, well... That's bad, as usual. Besides that, there was a memo about celling the freaking sewer for our flat due to currently large debt "we" have. Although this should've happened a couple of days ago, there's currently no signs of that. Perhaps they've just forgot about it as one of my friend told me how his friend talked about some of his neighbours with even larger debts in new building who didn't receive any sanctions for whatever reason. From what I understand, there's also a chance of this punishment just not being possible in case if it results in sewer issues for the whole building. Despite my electricity story from almost an eye ago, I remain hopeful. After all, no matter the circumstances, things never seem to go over the line of being totally awful. At first, I thought that they would keep warm water turned off for us after its planned yearly shutdown, but that doesn't seem to be the case as we just got it back. Maybe for now.
Either way, let's go for something more positive... or much more depressing, depending on your perspective. Our cats are fine. Ciri is fine and keeps going like I mentioned before (I actually didn't, but whatever): she is still a very beautiful cat that's very active. We try to spoil her and other three cats however we can, and I think they're pretty happy. Although everyone appears to have just "forgot" about Ciri's conditions, our cats are still helping me to see some goodness in this otherwise cruel world. So fuck you, breast cancer.
Hall Reflections.
I suppose that another break from weekly blog posts was sort of warranted. I stayed true to the schedule for a little more than five months, which does feel pretty great. However, during this break, I was able to look up at this approach to my blog yet again. The idea of weekly articles for Ilko's Hall came from the need of a regular hobby I could enjoy on daily basis and improve my productivity. Besides that, I also have a lot of things in mind related to video games that I want/need to let out (even if sometimes I don't know the right way to do that). As time went on, I've faced what seemingly was an obvious problem to have: burnt out. Many posts here felt more like a chore and I wasn't exactly happy with the result, but that felt like part of the process as I went forward to publish them anyway.
What really helped me to properly look myself in the mirror is discussions on Internet about certain content creators (specifically, YouTube channels) that released their work on regular basis with obvious lack of in-depth investigation of its topic. It's funny as there's also an issue of, let's keep YouTube analogy, certain video essays being too large, but I digress. Although I wanted to get better at writing less (and I think I did, a tiny bit), I'm not sure if I can keep this particular release model going. Therefore, I think that the rest of June would lack any "article" from me as well. Despite my initial plans for this Summer or Blizzard's return to Warcraft 3.
One option I did consider is to move over to monthly release: every 15th day, same as these updates. Put more effort and research on specific topic, letting myself loose in the process. Approach specific game or subject with care and attention it deserves. That should offer me more freedom to address important and serious problems outside of Internet. The exception to the rule would be Events & A Little Chat due to their nature. Speaking of the latter, I really need to focus more on it. There're some points in the near future that could serve as a great excuse to get to talk to some nice people about cool nerdy stuff. Other changes to the blog itself are still bloating in my mind. You know, I really am a lost cause.
Their efforts to limit our access to the free world of Internet does slightly worry me. I can't use Proton VPN right now, but some Chrome extensions for accessing some dumb gaming tweets or keeping my privacy safe (or an illusion of it) do the trick. While previously I couldn't imagine myself leaving to the other country, some part of me wished I was able to that right now. Unfortunately for it, there're just too many obstacles on my destroyed way. Life is hard for everyone and others faces challenges of their own, so I can't even dare to truly bother them about it. Even talking about my struggles takes a toll of me as I still feel immense guilt for it. But I do wonder what it's like in, let's say, Ireland.
I need to explore some directions for moving forward with life. Perhaps there's a way opening for me right now. The one I've started to notice thanks to these Halls as well. As I battle my scuffed inner demons and drown in strange ocean of whatever mental weirdness I have, I'm going to try to be more social and useful to those around me. Not just literally, but for those close to me in this digital worldwide dimension. Not as much for them (that's a good cause, don't get me wrong) as for myself since I think I really need that.
No comments:
Post a Comment