October 2023 Update

"Monthly Update" Thumbnail.

Well, the silence of my current routine has started to get disturbed by unpleasant kind of noise. I suppose part of that is me falling back into my bad overthinking habit, but hearing any kind of knock into door can induce some "good old" anxiety. Unfortunately, this is just the reality of current times: you want to simply get by and avoid any trouble, especially if your current real life position is far from being pretty or even just okay. However, this is not a tale about the hope of seeing the light at the end of a tunnel sooner rather than later.

This post that would be lost in infinite void of the Internet is about what I did and didn't do in the last month or so. Not much would be lost, as you can rightfully guess, so I'm not worrying too much about the lack of worthwhile things to share. Doesn't mean I can't waste my time writing about nothing for a bit to prolong an illusion of doing dedicating my time something kind of productive and not just a waste of time and/or another form of procrastination.

Summary.

In terms of my unexpressed creativity and desire to test myself in new avenues, these ambitions are still going nowhere. While it truly is fascinating how many opportunities people have nowadays with a possibility to carve your own path against all odds and norms, such realization doesn't necessarily make it easier to you to follow said examples and become one yourself. You're getting overwhelmed with uncertainly, despair and doubt. Honestly, I'm sure you can make a good point about how talking about this again and again doesn't help me pick up a new hobby and I totally agree with you. I know how acknowledging the problem is only the first step and that on itself should be encouraging, especially in relatively good times... Fighting yourself is really hard sometimes, you know?

At least I can have some comfort in enjoying and following the established routine. Comfort can be a very valuable thing nowadays, but leaving its zone of influence is sometimes necessarily. Nevertheless, there wasn't that much of "going beyond the known boundaries" on gaming front. Stardew Valley & Heroes of the Storm still hold a firm position in my daily life. My foray into DOOM 16 has stopped after I successfully conquered its Campaign, SnapMap & Arcade Mode achievements. There's probably nothing I can do about multiplayer, but it's likely still worth giving a shot some time in the future: not just giving up, but fail trying. For now, I was fortunate enough to get my hands on Ion Fury: Aftershock and I've been enjoying its campaign on Maximum Fury immensly. It was like going back home and I shouldn't have been concerned about not getting a proper warm up beforehand. I'll follow my own path towards regaining 100% achievements on Steam.

On the surface, my daily routine is as mundane as it gets. There might be some differences (good, bad and/or neutral) between each day, but at the end of a day they keep following a specific pattern. Like I've mentioned at the beginning of this "article", some cracks are starting to show. My sleep schedule has been in shambles for quite a while now and my depressing tendencies are kicking in. I'm pretty sure I was stressed out around the same time previous year, so time really is a flat circle sometimes, and you just have to deal with it whenever that's the case or not. As for me, I understand that I should just stop overthinking everything (again) and calm down instead of dreading negative "what ifs" and drown in anxiety. "Hope for the best, expect the worst" is a logical motto to follow, but it's best to reach balance between its both parts or allow yourself to focus on the positive one. At least I can always hope that life will be simply pity towards me like when I got a new headset with tolerable microphone where some of my friends took a break from hanging out in voice chats around the same time.

Now is the time to sound like a broken record by talking about my future output at Ilko's Hall. There might be a couple of posts published (not counting the next Update), but I'm having certain doubts about that. I don't have anything specific in mind and my expectations for both Minecraft Live and Blizzcon this year are practically nonexistent (not that I'm actually waiting for the latter; just the Warcraft 3 news). It's all a subject to change, and I still haven't decided the fate of this silly little blog. I want to be more organized and have a clear vision moving forward, but maybe I should embrace the chaos in some ways.